Hero or Victim

Troubled times are a part of life. As humans we will all face adversity in one form ot another.  Most of us will shed tears, have days without joy, perhaps even endure huge challenges or burdens.  The question that I have for you, is ‘who will you be during troubling times?  

A hero or a victim?’

I am fascinated by the human spirit, each and every one of us has within us the power and resources to overcome what may seem impossible.  What stands in our way?  Not the economy, nor trauma, not even a lack of education.  What stands in our way is quite simply ourselves.  

Oprah, Daniel Craig, Selena Gomez, Halle Berry, Celine Dion, Arnold Swarznegger and countless other famous, successful people have endured extremely tough times, some were homeless, others had poverty and inequality to face.  However, they all overcame the external forces that were keeping them from achieving their goals.  They had a superpower I call - Belief!

If Oprah had played the victim, she would have endured the rest of her life as a poverty stricken woman in Missisipi, if she hadn’t had the courage to dream when most other would have cried she would never have set upon her journey to greatness.  If she had fixated on the lack of food or basic needs...well you get the picture.  She did not know that one day she would become the reveried enigma that she is today, but she had the BELIEF, the belief that life is much more than a game of endurance.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankhl was a Nazi prisoner, and the great author of ‘Man’s search for Meaning.’  During his time he was witness to unimaginable suffering and cruelty, however, even in the bleakest of times he chronicles how some of the prisoners were able to overcome the brutal conditions of the Nazi concentration camp by focusing on inner freedom and love.  They were forced to endure great suffering through external forces, but for those that survived, they were able to keep their minds and spirit alive and free, they could even in the darkest of times see beauty and remained hopeful.

It is quite possible that you are familiar with individuals within your own life that have overcome great adversity, chances are, you may be one of those too.  In fact, I can almost guarantee you have had to overcome obstacles, whether it has been overcoming a fear, recovering from an illness, perhaps as trivial as learning a skill - you have been able to tap into the ‘belief’ that you can do it - whatever that might be.

As certain as I am that you have overcome obstacles, I am certain that you have also in your lifetime complained, blamed, felt hopeless, been a victim.  I am certain of this because it is part of the human condition of modern living.  However, what I am not certain of is if you are ready to embark on a journey that will allow you to pursue whatever you choose, if you have the ‘belief’ to live your life as you desire.

Unlike many books that will tell you that it takes hard work and conviction to strive to build your dreams, I will tell you that you can change in a matter of hours if it is truly what you desire.  I will tell you from my own experiences that the first step is to become a rulebreaker.

Yes, thats right a rulebreaker.  How many times have you heard stories of successful individuals that have achieved their dreams by doing the opposite of what convention suggests?  Ed Sheeran left school at 16.  Daniel Craig slept on park benches, Richard Branson was told he was too young and immature to start a business.  CJ Lewis was told she was not pretty enough to become anything more than a washer woman.  What rules are you adhering to?  Why haven’t you challenged them?  My parents told me that I could be anything I wanted to be, but society and the world wanted me to know my place and stay in my lane.  I never did and never will.  Rules were made to keep the masses under control.  But if you are still reading then you have the ‘belief’ that life has a greater meaning than living through someone else’s lens of what is a life lived well.

I invite you to take part in a little exercise.  By doing this littel piece of reflection I hope to help you uncover the ‘untruths’ that have become a part of your existence that you will need to expel.  Remember to be honest, nobody else is going to read this, this is your first step toward becoming a hero - your hero.

Step 1: Imagine it is your funeral.  Your obituary is being read.  What do you think they are saying?  Write down the words, adjectives, descriptions, memories you think people are sharing.

Step 2:  Look over what you have written.  How does it make you feel?  Is there something lacking?  Perhaps it wasn’t enough as being described as kind and loving, or the life of a party.  

Step 3: Now go back to you as a child.  What would you as a child have hoped you had become? Really dig deep, when we are children we have fewer inhibitions and are not slaves to expectations and convention.  The child in you knew your real desires that you may have repressed.  Write down whatever comes to mind.

Step 4: Evaluate what you have written.  Sometimes we find by doing this exercise we remember a part of us that has become dormant that we would like to rekindle, or possibly what you desired as a child is no longer what you want.

Step 5: Time to really stretch yourself.  I invite you to imagine that ther are no rules, no responsibilities, nobody to tell you that you can’t.  Now, write down what you would do and who you would be.  More importantly write down how this new you makes you feel.

Later down the line we will revisit step 5.  Feel free to revisit that step anytime along this journey and alter it as many times as you like, but there is one caveat - do not fall trap of convention and make it what you think other people would want for you to be.  Be selfish, this is for you as you want to see you, not for anybody else.

When my nephew was four or five I watched him struggling to open a jar.  I went over to him asked him what the matter was. ‘I can’t open it.’ I took the jar from his little hands and easily prised it open, he looked at me with an irritated expression and exclaimed ‘when you become little like me, you won’t be able to open things either.’ I rolled around in laughter at his assumption that I would grow young to become little like him rather than older, what a beautiful concept.  However, the truth is he was right when he said ‘I can’t’ his hands were too small and his strength as a four year old not strong enough to open the jar.  But how often do we hear those two words uttered and wonder why not? ‘I can’t’ is usually a barrier we create in our own minds unless of course it is beyond physical potential.

It is much easier to say ‘I can’t’ than ‘I will try,’ our minds are conditioned to protecting us from anything that feels challenging.  Unfortunately, without challenging ourselves we don’t benefit from growth.  Rather than ‘ I can’t’ I am inviting you to say ‘I will try’ I invite you to look at things differently.

Life can be a game, it is not a game of losers and winners.  It is a game of courage, opportunities and a little luck.  You are not playing against anyone else, the only player is you.  I wonder are you playing the game or are you watching others play the game?  If you are a bystander then I ask you to question what is holding you back.  Life as a human means we have been gifted, we have been gifted to do and become beyond our boldest dreams.

When you embark on playing the game of life, you first need to unburden yourself of the notion that you cannot do things.  I promise you, wherever you are, whatever your background, circumstances, age, gender, color - you are human and that makes you exceptional.  Begin with ‘belief’ and hold onto that no matter what.  It’s time to level up and become your own hero.